The Fantasy Grout: Week 9

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We need some healing here in Grout-land. Last week, a rift emerged, as we discovered, together, that abortion wishes it could be as divisive as tipping the chambermaid. As a side note, the nuance of not tipping a person, who serves a business instead of you, is lost on many of people, and hair stylists are no exception. While getting my hair cut, I was discussing the topic with a friend of mine (He’s a “Herby”, so you know it was a one-of-a-kind conversation). The stylist must have assumed she wasn’t getting tipped, as the haircut, um, reflected that.

What we need is a topic that we can all get behind. Something no one could possibly hate. I considered the big three, America, puppies, and Beyonce, but none seemed unifying enough. Then, it hit me, like spiked football to the forehead: GRONK. Who couldn’t get behind a being once called a “talking muscle”? Who couldn’t get behind someone who thinks linemen should “get laid” when they play a great job?. Who couldn’t get behind a man who once did this, blissfully unaware that his impression of a Queen’s Guard looked oh-so-appropriately like Frankenstein. The answer is “No one.” With that in mind, I thought we would look to Gronk to answer a few of life’s major questions, as a way to bring us all together.

Fantasy Grout: Hello, Mr. Gronkowski. Thanks for taking some time to help answer a few questions for us. It seems today, that our country is one full of followers, but absent any leaders. No one is taking charge. As the adage goes, everyone just wants you to give him or her a fish, but no one wants you to teach him or her how to fish. What would you suggest to remedy this leadership issue facing our country?

Gronk: Gronk Catch.

Fantasy Grout: At least we know someone has been taught how to fish! That leadership void is especially prevalent in politics. Our country is divided evenly into two halves, Red and Blue. No politician, on either side, seems to care about the citizens. What can be done?

Gronk: Gronk Run.

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Fantasy Grout: Well, you’d have my vote! Mr. Gronkowski, a separate phenomenon plaguing America is the youth, and their reliance on technology. They depend so much on these technological conveniences these days that if there were ever a glitch, they would have trouble doing anything by hand, whether it be simple math, writing a letter, or even keeping track of the bowling tally. What can we do about them?

Gronk: Gronk Score.

Fantasy Grout: That is very nice of you to volunteer, but there are a lot of games of bowling going on simultaneously. It might be tough, but if anyone can make it work, it is you! Yet another issue that technology causes is people being so drawn to their phones that they can hardly carry on a conversation anymore. If two people are standing next to each other at the punch bowl, the awkwardness of the conversation, with no keyboard to type on, is palpable. Do you have any suggestions?

Gronk: Gronk Spike.

Fantasy Grout: Well, alcohol couldn’t hurt the situation, that’s for sure! Thanks again for joining us, Mr. Gronkowski. I think we could all agree that our nation would be a lot better if you were handling it! I’ll be curious to see who your running mates on the ballet are!

Gronk: Gronk Party.

Fantasy Grout: Well, there you have it. Now that we’ve covered the big topics facing our country, it’s time to handle the little things: the low salary players that hold your Fantasy lineup together, they the Fantasy Grout.

Quarterbacks

Well, looky what we have here! It seems one website, cough, DK, cough, seems to have done some quarterback price adjusting. Last week, only eleven quarterbacks were above $6,500, the maximum Grout price point. This week, fourteen signal callers are not price appropriately for this article, and that is without Rodgers, Stafford, Cutler, or Ryan, who regularly carry a premium price, but are on bye this week. Well, you know what they say: when the Fantasy price going gets tough, the tough apologize for not recommending Ben Roethlisberger last week, who was priced at $5,800 and finished with ∞ PT/$K. Better this week.

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Alex Smith v NYJ, $5,700 – In the rulebook of life, some guidelines are referenced more often than others are.

Beer before liquor, and you’ll always be sicker
Don’t wear a patterned shirt with a patterned tie
You can’t triple stamp a double stamp

These are some of the often-cited laws. One of the rules way in the back of the book is at precedent this week, which says If a defense gives up four passing touchdowns to a guy that looks like a matador, start the quarterback that faces them the next week. The Jets are just that defense, and Alex Smith is just that quarterback. Also, I want you to envision George McFly, right before he biffed Biff Tannen, right in the mush. Focus in on George’s left hand at that moment. (Yep, he was a southpaw.) The number of fingers he has extended at that very instant is the number of quarterbacks that has failed to throw for at least two touchdowns against the Jets this year.

Beyond the matchup, the way Smith creates a useful game is very patchwork, but it works. Travis Kelce gets into the end zone, rather than being stopped a half yard short. Smith has averaged 7.5 completions to running back over the last two weeks, but this week, they yield a hundred total yards and a score. He also scampers a bit, padding his stats. All of that is aided by a couple short fields, thanks to the fact that Michael Vick turns over the ball more times than an insomniac. Listen, I’m not suggesting you watch it; I’m just saying the PT/$K will be there when it’s over!

Left in the Bucket

Andy Dalton v JAC, $6,300 – You know he’ll be money, because he’s getting AJ Green-back.

Running Backs

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but this is a passing league. As such, finding running backs, and especially Grout-level running backs, continues to be a chore. Fortunately, you’ve got the Fantasy Grout to help you find those diamonds in the rough. Last week, Hillman was good, McKinnon, Bell and McFadden were so-so, and Starks and Cadet were simple examples of right matchup, wrong Fantasy Grout back. In all six cases, not getting a score was the problem, and this week, I’m going to take the half-full view that Gang Grout is due!

LeSean McCoy at HOU, $5,200McCoy has been pretty terrible this year, right? Fantasy bust? Well, kinda. He certainly started slow, but he has come on recently, going for over 80 yards rushing on 4.0+ YPC, with at least two receptions, each of the last two weeks. The problem has really been touchdowns, with only one on the year. It isn’t like he can’t score, with a 20 touchdown season on his resume. Mark me down as one who thinks closer to 20 TDs is the real McCoy.

Alfred Morris at MIN, $3,900 – It is always shocking to see the running back with the sixth-most rush yards this year priced as
the third-lowest starting running back this week, and that is not to mention the five “backups” who have a higher price tag. The explanation, though, is simple. No receptions = no value, which makes him touchdown dependent. His game logs tell the same story, returning at least 3 PT/$K only in the three weeks he scored. This week though, he will get to 117 yards (3 PT/$K) against a Minnesota defense giving up the 6th most fantasy points per game to running backs. Then, his touchdowns and that one random reception are just the Cherry on his Sunday, Value Sundae.

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Travaris Cadet at CAR, $3,500 – I know, I know. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Hear me out. It was Sunday night, at the Super Dome. We were just entering the 4th quarter. Rodgers had just been picked off, in the end zone, and now the Saints had the ball, up two scores, with clock to burn. Here were the lines at that point:

Ingram – 15 for 108, 1 for 3 – 12.1 DK Fantasy Points
Cadet – 0 for 0, 4 for 40 – 8.0 DK Fantasy Points

Then, finishing off a surprise blowout, Ingram snuffed the Pack out, to the tune of 9 for 64 and a TD in the fourth quarter. If the game score had been reversed, it would have been Cadet in the game, taking dump off passes and surprise draw plays.
This week the Saints are visitors in Carolina, which is an entirely different dynamic than last week, when they played inhospitable host. Cadet over Ingram this week is a bet that this divisional rivalry is a close game. If nothing else, when the Saints go marching in, bet on the Cadets.

Left in the Bucket

Mark Ingram at CAR, $5,500 – Did I mention the guy had 9 for 64 and a score in the fourth quarter!
Andre Williams v IND, $3,500 – Backup running back pricing with a starting running back role.
Bobby Rainey at CLE, $4,400 – Is “not Doug Martin” enough of a reason?

Wide Receivers

A couple things of note happened in Week 8. Malcom Floyd was the victor of the initial “M”, with four receptions for 58 yards (1 for -9 would have done it), so Michael Floyd will be known as O. Floyd, going forward. Also, with a 1 for 14 effort, Julian Edelman ensured that last week would be known as “Week 8, when Brandon LaFell was more expensive than Julian Edelman, for the first time”. But other than that, the picks were great. Half-full again: No place to go but up!

Andrew Hawkins v TB, $4,900 – With Brian Quick’s season ending injury, the corner of “PPR wide receiver on a crappy team” was available. Hawkins has amassed 12 receptions, on 18 targets, over the last two weeks, which was good for 200 yards and a score. He is in line for a few more targets now that Jordan Cameron has officially been enrolled in the Justin Morneau school of waiting out a concussion. Not to make light of a dude’s bruised brain, but in all seriousness, if Roger Goodell walked into a locker room and the defense was blaring Dr. Dre’s “Keep Their Heads Ringin’,” do they kick the opening kickoff from the 20?

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Mike Evans at CLE, $4,700 – If I had to guess, I’d say Evans ends up with four receptions. Just a hunch, based on nothing at all (except that he’s had that total in each of his last five games). What’s unusual to me is that he hasn’t broken one for a long score yet, with his two touchdowns this year coming from 7 and 17 yards, respectively. It’s coming. Remember, he was the wide receiver that fooled everyone into thinking Johnny Manziel was better than Brian Hoyer.

Terrance Williams v ARI, $4,900 – You can keep doubting the production if you want. With six touchdowns in eight games, I am done. Instead, I thought we might spend some time coming up with a nickname for our former Baylor Bear. When I type “TWill” into Microsoft Word, it corrects it to “Twill.” Wikipedia tells me twill “is a type of textile weave with a pattern of diagonal parallel ribs”. I say either The Weave or Ribs. What say you?

Left in the Bucket

B. Cooks at CAR, $4,100 – North Carolina is one of the states known for its barbecue. After he grills the Panthers, I suggest Mr. Cooks try the Ribs.
E. Decker at KC, $4,700 – I repeat, Percy who?
O. Beckham Jr. v IND, $5,000 – Pittsburgh had 15 DK fantasy points left in its stool Monday morning.

Tight Ends

Remember when Bill Belichick was going to revitalize the tight end position? Remember how everyone was going to have a huge athletic freak who would rule the field between the hashes? Larry Donnell is the 7th highest scoring tight end this year in DK fantasy points per game. He doesn’t have a hundred yard game and amassed one reception for six yards over two games. Somehow, I’m using this as a reason to hate Belichick more.

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Travis Kelce v NYJ, $4,100 – Back to George McFly. After the he delivers the left hook, Biff spins around one full revolution. One is also the number of teams the Jets have faced in the last six weeks who did not have a tight end touchdown.
Surprisingly, that was Gronk. And, in four of those five touchdown games, the total was two. Baby Gronk Catch. Baby Gronk Run. Baby Gronk Score. Baby Gronk Spike.

Left in the Bucket

Dwayne Allen at NYG, $4,100 – If I was building a touchdown machine, I’d just stick a picture of Allen into a 3D Printer and take the rest of the day off.

About the Author

GiantBallofOil
Luke Louison (GiantBallofOil)

Luke “GiantBallofOil” Louison is a microstakes daily fantasy player and integral member of Team KillaB2482 (Ranked #2 in NFL, #13 Overall). You can follow Luke on Twitter @GiantBallofOil

“You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I’d be standing here about to solve the world’s energy problems, I would’ve said you’re crazy… Now let’s push this giant ball of oil out the window.”