Mayo Boy's First Blog (plus NBA lineup)

Everything seemed to be normal about my elementary school. It was a small brick building in a quiet Minnesotan town in the 1980’s. My first day seemed pretty straightforward, with the usual nap times, singing in class, and meeting new kids. However, lunch is where I realized life for me was never going to be the same.

I walked into the cafeteria with my ‘Ghostbusters’ lunch box, and opened it to a peanut butter sandwich, sliced apple, and a twinkie. As I started eating, I noticed people were staring at me. I looked around and noticed that everybody else was eating sandwiches on white bread. They had nothing else at their tables, just the sandwiches. I asked the kid next to me what kind of sandwich he was eating. He looked at me like I was stupid. “It’s mayo. We only eat mayo sandwiches here.” I dropped my PB and J sandwich in horror. How could my mom have been so unprepared?

Word spread after that infamous day. I became “Mayo Boy” to the other students at the school (even though I was the only one who WASN’T eating a mayo sandwich). Even the teachers knew about my mayo-less lunch fiasco. On our field trips, the volunteering parents would tell their kids not to sit next to me on the bus. I began to wonder if I would be the mayo boy for the entire school year.

The rest of the year was about the same. I made no friends and the teachers hated me. It seemed like the year was going to be a huge waste, until one day I finally couldn’t take it anymore. It started like a normal day. I got to school, got some dirty looks from the other students in the hall, got shoved by a couple as well. I went into class and my teacher scolded me for being a little mayo boy. The other students in the class all laughed. I sat there watching their faces as they laughed at pointed. I stood up and left the classroom. I ran to the principal’s office. The secretary was a red-haired woman in her late 30’s, with cherry cheeks and a smile on her face. “Excuse me ma’am, may I please use your telephone?” She looked down at me from her desk and held it out to me. “Just don’t put your mouth on the receiver please. I heard about you, mayo boy.”

Later that day, with about an hour left before the final bell, there was a knock on our class door. My teacher stood up from her desk and walked over to open it. Standing there was my hero, my knight in shining armor. I had never been so happy to see my dad. He walked into the classroom and stood in front of everyone and held up his hands signaling for silence. The teacher took her seat as well. “Kids,” he spoke loudly, with a deep, commanding voice, “my clothes are made entirely of mayonnaise!” The class exploded with oohs and ahhs as the students looked his wardrobe up and down. He had gobs of mayonaisse gooped on his body in the form of clothes. “Now I hear you guys are upset with my son for not eating a mayo sammy his first day, and rightfully so. We raised him to love mayo. Son, do you have something you want to say to your classmates?” He looked over at me, as did the entire class. I was shy, but I found my courage with my dad there. I stood and slowly moved to the front of the class. “I have a confession to make.” I nervously spoke. “On career day last month, I told everyone I wanted to be an astronaut. Well, I lied. I actually have something else in mind.” I grabbed my backpack and opened it up, revealing a massive jar of mayonaisse, about 20 pounds worth. “I want to be a professional hair stylist – the first stylist to use mayonaisse as their only hair product.” The class applauded loudly for me. My teacher stood and raised my hand into the air as if I had just won a boxing match. “This kid is the greatest student I’ve ever had!” She yelled joyously, tears now streaming down her face.

When I look back on my elementary school days, I think about the trouble I could have avoided if I had just been initially honest with myself and my classmates. I went almost an entire year being ridiculed and not making friends simply because I lied about being an astronaut. Mayonnaise was, and still is my passion.

My lineup for 12/28 in NBA was

My mayonaisse play of the night was Tony Parker. He was in a really good matchup vs. the Knicks and I got him at 2% ownership.

About the Author


  • JJsunfire04

    I don’t know if you want to let everyone know about your pics from yesterday, but all we know is you liked Tony Parker. May have spend to much time on your childhood and forgot to let everyone know what you did last night in basketball.

  • Evorscan3

    it’s important to be different….. why follow the herd of sheepeople???

  • gaelicgirl

    Cool story.

  • teamwillow

    @gaelicgirl said...

    Cool story.

    that guy rules lol

  • teamwillow

    @Evorscan3 said...

    it’s important to be different….. why follow the herd of sheepeople???

    very true. However, in this instance I wasn’t different at all. My classmates simply believed me to be different. I was actually on a whole level higher than all of them when it came to mayonnaise.

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