To fill the time for the 2-lost fights and in light of the main event, the card will kick off at 5:15 with a sped up PG version of “Brokeback Mountain”, The working title is “Sprained Ankle Hill”. The plot is about 2-fighters who are fighting out of their weight class, while being asked to carry a card that is imploding around them due to mosquitoes, failed drug tests and sticking the wrong hand in the Vaseline jar.
Other last minute changes to the card:
“Freight Train” Hamilton is now out after being sued by CSX Corp for using “train: in his name
AES (Ashlee Evans-Smith) is also out for improperly hyphenating
& and finally,
Brunson (2nd cousin twice removed to Doyle Brunson) decided that he would rather play cards.
WILL THE UFC EUTHANIZE THIS CARD ALREADY!
Seriously, how can I get my money back?