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Daily Fantasy, Daily Life: Volume XXI - The Stress Test

by Jeff Edelstein (jedelstein) Last Updated 2022-05-22 13:54:19

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And now, a partial list of things you can only do once, and the level of stress induced as a result.

Donate a kidney

You only have two, so it doesn’t take a quant to figure out this is something that can only be done once. It’s a big deal, obviously, as you’re going to be on the shelf for up to a month recovering. And you might die on the operating table. But … you’re saving someone’s life, so there’s that. All in all, pretty stressful. Let’s give it a 88 out of a 100.

Being elected president of the United States for a second time

Term limits, baby. Gets ya every time. But having served as vice-president of Parsippany High School class of 1990 for three consecutive terms, I can say, with full assurance, the second go-round is a lot easier than the first. I mean, you know where the bathrooms are and everything, so I’d say if you make it through your first term as leader of the free world, the second term is a breeze. I mean sure, there’s always the risk of nuclear annihilation under your watch, but it hasn’t happened yet, amirite? Stress level is 42 out of 100.

Die

OK, fine, this one is a little stressful in an existentialist manner, but when it finally comes a-knockin’? Sci-guys say your brain is flooded with all sorts of stuff that make you happy, so while we may worry about the big finale, know this: When it comes, you’ll be like, “peace out, bro.” So for that reason alone, stress level is 12 out of 100.

Participate in the Miss Universe pageant

That’s right you can only do this once. If you win, congrats. If you lose, you’re never allowed back. That’s pretty stressful. Put this one at 74/100.

Entering a single-entry NFL best ball tournament on DraftKings

Holy crap, I can’t breathe. Single entry best ball?! It flies in the face of the natural order of life. The whole point of best ball tournaments is to spread out risk, build teams this way and that. But single entry? Ye gods.

I mean, how do you even … do you build with an eye toward Week 17? Do you simply build in an effort to “play the best plays?” Do you go heavy at running back? There are so many variables, and you only get one shot. And look at this: Right now, there are two single entry tourneys at DraftKings, a 1,080-person $200 tournament, and a 3,888-person $15 tournament. And both have Week 17 finals consisting of … nine people. That changes things, I think. Maybe it’s not smart to build for that week, because so few people are going to get there. But if you do build for that week and get there, you’re gold!

Should you draft now? Wait it out a bit? Wait until August? Will that be too late? Is stacking even the right move here? Are people going to try and block stack-building? Should you go off-the-board in an effort to confuse fellow drafters? Slow draft or fast draft? This is too much. Stress level 100 out of 100.

Get chicken pox

Yeah, whatever, no big deal, itchy-itch, take an oatmeal bath. Stress level 13/100.

Losing your virginity

Not if you’re going to agonize over single-entry best ball, you won’t.

All right. That’s it. I gotta go. I need to crack this single-entry code. I’m fine. It’ll be fine. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

About the Author

jedelstein
Jeff Edelstein (jedelstein)

Jeff is a veteran journalist, now working with SportsHandle.com, USBets.com, and RotoGrinders.com as a senior analyst. He’s also an avid sports bettor and DFS player, and cannot, for the life of him, get off the chalk. He can be reached at jedelstein@bettercollective.com.