Daily Fantasy, Daily Life: Volume IV
New Year’s resolutions are silly, and they’re even sillier when you write about them two weeks after the new year.
But the worst thing about them is the timing. Let’s say you’re actually serious about losing weight, or quitting drinking, or remembering the birthdates of your three kids without having to pause for a beat too long when you call the pediatrician and they ask for the date of birth, which you totally know, but keeping track of all three of them and having to recall the exact birthdates in a split second when a cranky nurse is inquiring should be recognized in the next edition of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as something that’s not as easy as it appears on paper … where was I … oh yes, the timing of resolutions: The dead of winter is the worst time to try and change your life.
Spring would be a much more reasonable time. Birds are chirping, tulips are blooming, the air is ripe with life, as opposed to right now, when everything is hibernating, every plant is dead, and the vast majority of my time is spent on the couch trying to dislodge my wrist from a can of Pringles.
But yet: Here we are, and so today, I bring to you my 10-pack of DFS (and DFS-adjacent) resolutions. Any typing errors can be chalked up to the can of Pringles dangling off my right arm.
1) I will not tilt this year. I’m actually pretty good at this one, as I truly grasp the tournament lifestyle, knowing I’m going to lose more than I win. I can handle it all, from bad beats to close calls and everything in between. Of course, that is until I’m winning a Milly Maker and lose it on a last-second quarterback kneel down. Let’s see how much un-punched drywall is left in my house if that ever happens.
2) I will manage my bankroll. This one is tough, as I’m going to have to, you know, keep better track of my bankroll, which I do not. At all. I do keep track of my profit/loss, but I don’t keep track of how I profit or lose. Do I do great in cash? Maybe. Large field tourneys? Could be. Short slates? Perhaps. I have no clue.
3) I will not read every opinion until my eyes bleed. This specifically applies to the NFL, where – and this is not an exaggeration – there are takes on every single skill position player out there. Listen: I’m not an expert, but I have been playing fantasy football since 1986. I’ve picked up a thing or two. As such, early in the week, I have instant opinions. And they are always swayed by lock on Sunday, as I’ve digested entirely too much information. I need to pare down my analyst toolkit. (There is zero chance I’m doing this. I love content. I’m convinced there’s the most actionable nugget hiding just around the next corner.)
4) I will not play NHL DFS (or Euro soccer, or LOL, or whatever else is out there) during the NBA All-Star break. The NBA All-Star break should be treated like the high holy days of the DFS season. Time to reflect and rejoice. Really: If God were creating the Earth today, he’d forgo Sunday as the day of rest and replace it with the NBA All-Star break.
5) I will get off the chalk. You ever have that dream where you can’t stand up for whatever reason? Where your legs feel like cement? Yeah, that’s how I feel every time I play NFL or NBA DFS and obvious chalk is staring me in the face. Keep in mind, I’m a tournament player, and so rule number one is basically, “get off the chalk, idiot.” But it’s impossible.
For instance: Hassan Whiteside the last few games. How do you not play this guy? (Of course, not playing him in two out of the three games he’s started so far would’ve paid off handsomely.)
I’m better at this in baseball, as I innately understand the best hitters routinely fail seven out of 10 times and the best pitchers are going to get touched up at least one out of every five times. But football and basketball are different, as the chalk often hits. But chalk hitting at 50% ain’t 100%, and my brain hurts and thou shalt get off the chalk.
6) I will read more books. Before I started playing DFS, I would spend my down time reading. A lot. Like, nerd-levels amounts of reading. Now, instead of reading novels and non-fiction, biographies and sci-fi, I spend my time scrolling through Twitter to see if Draymond Green is playing. I used to read a 300-page novel in a week, tops, sometimes in two days. Now? The pile of unread books on my nightstand is at Pisa-levels. I’m convinced me is dumber as a result of me not reading more any.
7) I will spend more time with my family. As in, being present and not scrolling through Twitter looking for Draymond Green news. Fact is, I’m relatively confident I can get all my DFS work done in the hour or so leading to lock in the NBA and MLB, and maybe 90 minutes before NFL. Instead, I spend an unbelievable amount of time and mental energy thinking about DFS. I may actually time myself one of these weeks, except I’m legit terrified to find out the number.
8) If I win big this year, I will just hand the money over to my wife. Kind of hoping by writing this out and being reasonable about what I should do if I win big, I can manifest it into happening.
9) I will lay off the Pringles and start eating carrot sticks.
10) I will stop making DFS resolutions I can’t keep. I mean, Juan Toscano-Anderson is $3K tonight and Draymond is already ruled out and I don’t care if JTA is going to be 40% owned, how do I pass that up?
Image Credit: Imagn