Fantasy Grout, Week 16 – Can’t See The Lines, Can You Russ?
Let’s start with a little exercise. Grab some paper and a pen. I’ll wait…. Okay. There will be two questions:
1) What movies are your three favorite comedies of all time?
(Write down your top three.)
2) What movie is your favorite Christmas movie of all time?
(Write down Christmas Vacation.)
Now, some quick analysis. Of the four movies, which is the least funny? It’s one of the three from the first question, isn’t it? Of course it is.
Christmas Vacation is 25 years old and is as funny as the day it came out in the winter of ’89. The major plot points are good for laughs, but it’s the subtle lines that make it a masterpiece:
“I’m freezing my baguettes off.”
“S***tin’ Bricks.” “You shouldn’t use that word.” “Sorry, S***tin’ Rocks.”
“I got enrolled in a jelly club.” … “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”
“He worked really hard grandma.” “So do washing machines.”
The list goes on and on. The problem Christmas Vacation has is that it is just thought of as a “Christmas movie,” so you never think of it when you are considering great comedies in general, which is a travesty. It is every bit as quotable and re-watchable as Dumb and Dumber or Old School. What you really need to do is change the way you think of it. Instead of regarding it as a “Christmas movie,” think of it as a comedy about Christmas, just like Half Baked is a comedy about weed and The Hangover is a comedy about Vegas. In that light, Christmas Vacation is as funny as any movie, ever.
In much the same way, when building GPP line-ups for any of the DraftKings Championship tournaments over the next couple weeks, don’t think of the Fantasy Grout players as the guys you put in at the very end to make the line-up work. Start with the value guys you are most confident in, and build your line-up around them, varying which studs you put in. If you had built around Jeremy Hill last week, Jonathan Stewart two weeks back, and Tre Mason three weeks ago, you would have almost assuredly found the right combination of high priced players around them. On the other hand, if you’re wondering how line-ups last week worked with varying Grout guys centered around TY Hilton and Jamaal Charles, Clark would tell you, “bend over and I’ll show you.”
This week, change the way you think about the low-priced options for the week. Start with your Grout players, and fit the high cost guys around. Then, after you’ve got that Top 5% line-up crafted, sit down and watch Christmas Vacation again, not because it’s Christmas time, but because there’s never a wrong time to watch a movie that funny.
QUARTERBACKS
Slowly, quarterback prices are shifting downward, as we have our choice of 18 this week (19, if you consider Ryan Lindley “a quarterback,” a loose interpretation). The slate, it’s not big, it’s just full. This week, there’s an extra challenge, that six of the nineteen didn’t start for their team in Week 15, and another two were swapped into a starting role starting in Week 15. In some cases, these signal callers should be expressly avoided and in other cases….
Robert Griffin III v PHI, $6,100: … run ‘em out there! Literally. When Bob Griffin’s Grandson was an unstoppable Fantasy Force in his rookie year, his legs were the reason why. He showed that electricity Sunday, with five scampers for 46 yards. If not for a questionable call, he would have had 47. And a score. And one less fumble lost. Speaking of which, if Santana Moss had gone full Bobby Valentine, changing his jersey and putting on a fake mustache at halftime, would Jeff Tripplette’s gang have caught him watching the 2nd half from the sidelines? Who knows, maybe he did and they missed him!
Not only does Griffin look spry, but the match-up is ripe. Only three teams have allowed more rush yards to quarterbacks than Philadelphia, and they’ve allowed a QB to rush for 30 or more yards in five of fourteen games. Even if Coach Gruden accidently lets Griffin pass, the match-up is favorable there as well. The Eagles have allowed the 3rd most passing touchdowns on the year. Also, they gave up 427-and-3 to Kirk Cousins earlier this year. If there is a bigger indictment of a pass defense, I don’t know what it is.
Left in the Bucket
Jimmy Clausen v DET, $5,000: This may be your one chance to start a player named after a pickle.
RUNNING BACKS
My dad has owned Iraqi dinar for years, on the recommendation of a friend. He’s been telling me that the country is going to re-value its currency (RV) and those holding dinar are going to profit handsomely. Never mind that he owns like $200 of it, he’s certain “they’re going RV, and I’m going retire from it.” I have been hoping like crazy that this re-valuation does happen, and not for the reason you think. Sure, it’d be nice for my Pops to make a couple hundred bucks. For me though, I’ve been waiting patiently for the perfect opportunity to proudly quote Cousin Eddie: “That. That there’s an Argghhhh Veeee.”
Only thirteen backs are over $5,500 this week, an ever-shrinking number. That leaves plenty of great options for us this week.
Toby Gerhart v TEN, $3,000: Yes, that Toby Gerhart. In fact, I’m leading with him to be sure you get this recommendation before kickoff Thursday night. The Titans have given up the 2nd most scores to running backs on the year. In fact, the last time Tennessee didn’t allow a touchdown to a back was in Week 7, back when, to most people, “Serial” was just a number on stuff, not the #1 podcast in America.
Also, Jacksonville will give the bulk of the work to one back, as they did to Shoelace Robinson, before he hung his cleats up for the year. Robinson showed flashes of effectiveness in that time, and last week, Gerhart did as well, rumbling for 4.2 YPC, while catching a couple balls in the pass game. As an added bonus, there’s no rhyme or reason to how DraftKings sorts its minimum salary players. Even in a three game slate, his usage could be artificially low just because he’s hard to find!
Tre Mason v NYG, $4,600: As a former Grout for a Shout winner, Mason has sentimental value to the column. As one of the few Grout running backs still getting over 70% of a team’s carries, he should add actual value to your line-up. Also, it’s a good thing this is the NFL, and not the NBA, as his name suggests that he’s probably a pretty crumby outside shooter.
Fred Jackson at OAK, $5,500: Jackson has the 3rd most running back receptions this year, despite only playing in 11.5 games. The Raiders have allowed the most receiving scores to backs. Like the net in a circus where Tony Danza is walking the tight rope, I expect Jackson to catch a TD. Also, after trying to tackle Bully for four quarters, it wouldn’t be surprising to hear this coming from the Raiders as the game ends: “Hallelujah! Holy S***! Where’s the Tylenol?”
Left in the Bucket
Steven Jackson at NO, $3,600: …speaking of old running backs who are going to score a touchdown this week…
Latavius Murray v BUF, $4,600: How long before DeMarco is “The Other Murray”?
Pierre Thomas v ATL, $3,800: If you guessed Mark Ingram was the back on the field the most for New Orleans last week, you guessed wrong.
WIDE RECEIVERS
For the last month, there’s been about 30 wide receivers too expensive to consider, and this week is no different.
Can we, instead, focus on how insane it is that Sony is cancelling the release of the movie “The Interview?” For those unaware, Seth Rogan and James Franco made a movie where they fictionally attempt to kill real life North Korean ruler, Kim Jung Un. In response, North Korean hackers, broke into Sony and released all these damning emails from their execs. Then, they threatened to attack if the movie aired, at which point theaters started cancelling airing of the movie, and now Sony has officially cancelled the release. This sounds like the plot to a bad Seth Rogan movie.
Also, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand was the first random domino that lead to World War I. If the forced cancelation of a Seth Rogan movie isn’t an act of war, I don’t know what an act of war is!
Charles Johnson at MIA, $4,900: We’re going to speak fondly of this week, the last time we could start Johnson for under $5K. A fumble on the quarter yard-line against the Jets two weeks ago is probably the algorithmic reason that we have to thank for this last opportunity. Miami has given up seven scores to wide receivers in the last four weeks, so I like his chances to make it that last quarter yard this week. If the “The Cannibal” doesn’t stick for his nickname, how about “The Male Stripper,” because you “C Johnson”? No? We’ll think of something.
Torrey Smith at HOU, $4,600: Torrey was the better Smith until a knee injury made him an active inactive in Week 14 and limited him in Week 15. He’s off the injury report now and with a nice little $1,000 discount to show for his down time. Meanwhile, among teams that Torrey is not on, Houston gives up the most receptions to WRs. As of this writing, DraftKings is still awarding a point per reception, but after this news about “The Interview,” really anything can happen. So, make sure you check that before you set your line-up.
Marqise Lee v TEN, $3,000: Yes, last week, both Cecil Shorts III and Allen Hurns had six receptions for 70ish yards, while Lee only had 4-for-14. Ignore that. Lee still had nine targets, the same as Hurns and only two less than Shorts. Also, for the first time since Lee returned from injury, he out-snapped Hurns, 61 to 53. Take the more talented wide receiver at the cheaper price. Plus, the match-up: Tennessee Titans – So bad you start TWO Jaguars against them.
Left in the Bucket
Andre Johnson v BAL, $4,600: Oh, about that team Torrey’s on.
Pierre Garcon v PHI, $4,400: Also in need of a nickname. How about “Non-Nutritive Cereal Varnish” because he’s that slick? Jeez. Tough crowd.
Marques Colston v ATL, $4,600: If Jimmy Graham’s not going to catch short touchdowns anymore, someone has got to do it.
TIGHT ENDS
Tight ends have been producing a little better the last couple weeks. If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I couldn’t be more surprised than I am to write that about tight ends. The Grout is still not buying it, literally, as we’ll be throwing as few dollars at the tight end position as possible.
Jared Cook v NYG, $3,200: Coming off a dominant Week 14 performance, that you may or may not read more about shortly, Cook put up a lowly 3-for-22 game against Arizona last week. Hidden under that pedestrian 5.3 was a team-high nine targets. Also, his bloated $4K price tag is now a lean-and-mean $3,200. The Giants secondary, in film on Monday, trying to describe who had all those catches against them: “He was a huge, beastly, bulging man.”
Delanie Walker at JAC, $4,500: He was on Gang Grout until I found out his real first name is Hubert.
GROUT FOR A SHOUT
We’re Baaaaaaacckkkkk. To anyone who put in time trying to find a place to put in his Grout pick last week, first off, weird. Seriously though, the only thing jerkier one could do than hide his or her kids’ Easter baskets in a very tough place is not hide them at all, which is basically what I did last week. My sincerest apologies. The Grout for a Shout is back, for the next two weeks anyway, and with increasing stakes. The winner this week will get something extra special. Extra. Special. Get those picks in.
But first, let’s not let Week 14 go just yet. There were Grouts, so let’s get to the Shout:
Your Week 14 Shout Out goes to … BiggySlim87, who picked Jared Cook in Week 14. Going 4-for-61, including two for scores, Cook finished with 7.367 PT/$K on a minimum $3,000 salary. It is a good thing, too, as we would have had a three-way tie if not for him. MisterJ, nevermuk, and skinz420 all sniffed out Jonathan Stewart’s 6.447 PT/$K performance. Anyway, Big Ups to BiggySlim87!
For the year, we have six grinders who have played multiple weeks: Sethmt12, deuce5, pinball, Domigator, jay_7523 and myself. When you take the overall value of all their picks across all three weeks, the leader in the clubhouse is … me (with Sethmt12 in a close 2nd). Come get me boys!
Please pick one player, TOTAL, choosing from any of the following four positions and salary restrictions, and post that one player in the comments below. The best value gets their shout out next week, along with something extra special. Also, your favorite Christmas Vacation line is very, very welcome.
$6,500 or Less – QB / $5,500 or Less – RB / $5,000 or Less – WR / $4,500 or Less – TE