Daily Fantasy, Daily Life: Volume XXII - My Favorite Martin
I am objectively terrible at baseball DFS. Just pitiful.
As to the “why?” I have no idea. But I’ve been playing it for eight years, and while my record-keeping is on par with that of an unwitting mob accountant, I do know I’ve never taken down a large-field baseball GPP and I hold no memories of coming particularly close.
And yet, every day, like a lamb to slaughter, I punch in a lineup or 12.
Baseball, as any fan of the game can attest, is fickle. You never know what’s going to happen on the field. I mean, Mike Trout could be going up against the worst gas can lefty of all time, totally smash the ball in all five of his at-bats, and proceed to watch the left fielder catch five line drives.
Alternately, Martin Maldonado – who I think I play every single time he takes the field – can dribble one down the third base line for an RBI, pop up to short left for two more ribbies, and walk two times to garner me 16 points.
Look at this throw from Martin Maldonado… pic.twitter.com/oMTNEkXTm4
— Fuzzy (@fuzzyfromyt) May 6, 2022
Actually, let’s sidebar a moment and turn this into a Martin Maldonado appreciation post: I love Martin Maldonado. I love the alliteration of his name. I love that he’s rarely more than $2.7K – and usually less than $2.3K – on DraftKings. I love that he hits a home run roughly once every 10 games or so.
And those home runs are glorious; while they’re not the equivalent of finding cash in an old pair of jeans, it’s certainly at least on par with finding a yarmulke in an old suit jacket. I love the fact he plays nearly every day. I love the fact Sports Illustrated once said “he quite possibly could be the worst-hitting everyday player in MLB history.”
#Astros 4
<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Athletics?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#Athletics</a> 1 [T7-2o]:<br><br>Martín Maldonado (swinging; 2)<br><br>RHP "(player-popup #paul-blackburn)Paul Blackburn":/players/paul-blackburn-36242 (5)<br>Seq (4): SI CU cu CU×<br>s3: 78.1mph Curveball</p>— Strikeout Tracker (whifftracker) May 30, 2022
Actually, maybe I’ve found a leak in my process – too much Martin Maldonado.
But yes: Baseball gives me fits. Football is by far my best sport, and I suppose it makes some sense, as I dedicate a ton of time to the process each week.
Baseball? Not so much. It’s a daily endeavor, and so my process is … well, more Maldonado, less Trout, if I’m being truthful.
The first two years I played baseball DFS – and because I suck at Excel – I meticulously kept a notebook of righty-lefty splits, home-away splits, and other assorted nonsense.
Being that I regularly lost, I decided to forgo the note-taking and depend more on the experts.
I still regularly lost, so now I glance at the slate, pick the pitchers I like, pick the stacks I like, mash ‘em together, read Cheese’s column to make sure I didn’t miss anything huge, read Roth’s weather (and Weather Edge) to make sure there’s not 100% humidity with 50MPH winds out to left in Wrigley and then proceed to … min-cash three lineups and lose the other four.
Sometimes I even make lineups drunk and sunburned.
The process is poor. Clearly.
So: Why do I continue to play? It’s a good question. Truth is, I like the action, I like the idea of throwing a few $4 lineups out into the world, I like checking in a half-hour after lock to see I have 3.4 points and somehow the first place team already has 92.
It’s a habit, it’s a hobby, and once NFL Week 1 rolls around, it’s forgotten like another Martin Maldonado strikeout. It’s a lifetime 25.6% strikeout rate. Impressive that the guy has stuck around so long. I think I’m going to write the man a letter.
Dear Martin,
You are like a yarmulke …