Daily Fantasy, Daily Life: Volume XXVII - Zach Wilson
I currently have 21% exposure to Zach Wilson in Underdog Fantasy’s Best Ball Mania III contest, which is about the same percentage by which my respect for the young New York Jets quarterback has ticked up in the last few days, since his ex-girlfriend seemingly outed Wilson as … well, as a fan of older women.
This story is just so, so, so good.
OK. The quick and dirty (literally): Wilson’s ex-girlfriend – and high school sweetheart, awwww – Abbey Gile is apparently dating Wilson’s former BYU roommate, bestie, and current Washington Commander wideout Dax Milne.
From there, the site uStadium revealed Wilson and Milne no longer follow each other on Instagram (I KNOW! Such a scandal). Then, on a since-deleted post on IG – that’s what the cool kids call Instagram – someone called Gile a “homie hopper” (which I was 64% certain was a brand of IPA; it’s not) to which Gile responded – and this is the best part for those of you still reading this paragraph – that Wilson “was sleeping with his mom’s best friend … that’s the real homie hopper.”
Wilson’s mom – Lisa Neeleman Wilson – will be 49 in August, which puts her best friend – whoever she is, come on New York Post, get on this! – almost certainly firmly in Stifler’s Mom territory.
This is so awesome, and I’m not the only person to think so.
Zach Wilson is the 🐐
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) July 10, 2022
As a result of this story, I plan on boosting my Wilson exposure to at least 30%. I’m really rooting for this kid. I mean … he allegedly slept with his mom’s best friend. Can we just let that sink in for a minute?
This is the stuff of Penthouse Forum letters and … I just seriously dated myself, yeah? (More seriously dating myself: I’m older than Wilson’s mom).
But seriously: I want my Best Ball quarterback to be … virile, I guess?
I mean, better this than an off-season playing checkers, right? I don’t know. I’m just loving this story. It takes me back to my misspent youth, where Betty – and yeah, that’s her real name, I’m well past the point of caring – lived around the corner from me.
Confirmed 😂 https://t.co/JYCVg1OykK
— DK Metcalf (@dkm14) July 10, 2022
Our backyards abutted each other (heh-heh abutt). And this 14-year-old perv spent many a summer morning peering out the window, as Betty would sunbathe in a neon pink strapless bikini, not that it’s forever burned into my brain or anything.
Her daughter was my age, but yowza oh boy googly eyes wacka-wacka, Betty was the OG Stifler’s Mom (again, I’m old).
Point being, I don’t fault Zach Wilson one bit for sowing his wild oats. You go get ‘em, tiger. And make those Elijah Moore // Garrett Wilson // Corey Davis triple stacks I’ve got burn bright in the autumn sun, m’kay?