The Fantasy Grout, Week 2 - Captain's Log

by Luke Louison (GiantBallofOil) Last Updated 2016-09-19 17:26:29

Previously On The Fantasy Grout

Party Prep. That, and we picked Ware over Michael, kicked off the Marvitron era, and challenged one of the best in the biz to a DraftKings Fan(tasy) Duel. Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof and here’s the results. GiantBallofToWin, or something.

Also, I urge you to follow me at @GiantBallOfOil, as it is the easiest way to call me an idiot in real time. Now, let’s pick up where we left off.

Captain’s Log

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 0845

I awoke groggy and disoriented in something of a cell with far too many pillows on the bed. I suspect that I was poisoned, likely in the hydration options, as the 1.5 ounce glasses of liquid seemed to have the taste of a ball of fire. This settlement, titled Nashville, seems to be plagued by the smell of cooked meat. I fear the poisoned liquid is how they acquire their meat, and consider myself lucky to have survived. I can only hope the effects wear off.

I will flee Nashville, in search of safer lands. In case I don’t make it, I will be chronicling my journey. My hope is to gain understanding of the people, starting with the reason that their hats have wings like a plane, yet none of them fly. Only time will tell if I find the answers.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1000

I have decided to investigate the existence of a “Man Who Is Super,” though the stories of him seem exaggerated. At times, as the legend goes, his form is confused with that of animals or vehicles that travel through the air. I will explore his stated place of origin for clues.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1115

It seems his level of “super” may have been exaggerated. If this is the form of an animal or vehicle of flight, I fear for my safety and can only hope the ceiling on my vehicle is reinforced, for risk of being crushed. I have chosen not to approach him, and instead, I will continue my journey.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1230

I have become confused with the naming of the thoroughfares. Rather than include directional cues, they seem to be named after menial tasks. These two, for instance, are named after the second most important step when cleaning a surface and the most important step when cleaning your teeth. I ponder if this civilization retains very little information, and therefore needs constant reminders.

Also, the symbols in their language seem to have tremendous value. As revenue decreases, there is clear evidence that the number of symbols is decreased as well. I can’t help but wonder the role these symbols play in the economy of this culture.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1400

I am ever more confused by the naming of edifices in these various settlements. In one particular development, they seem to name each one by a person’s status once he enters it. This furthers my hypothesis that the people of this culture retain very little information and may be, as a whole, quite simple.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1530

Strangely, it seems as though the agrarian culture is both segmented from the rest of the population and segregated by gender. I can’t help but ponder the health of this society, given that no males were present in the field named for them. I feel this civilization is in danger.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1630

It seems I may have underestimated the value of the symbols of this language. More than monetary value, they seem to be objects of worship. The power they hold over the civilization is yet to be determined, but it seems clear, judging by size, that they “t” holds tremendous power.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1700

I have discovered a settlement which I believe to be representative of the population as a whole. I will perform a thorough investigation to see if I can find any clues to the overall well-being of the civilization, as prior indications have been ominous. I fear the worst.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1730

It has taken very little research to uncover a startling fact. It appears commoners of this population are comprised entirely of old, white women. I fear the aging process may soon spell their doom. I pray I am incorrect, but the evidence is overwhelming. It is possible the males have taken up a segregated settlement as a means of escape. After all, one can only “speak up” so many times.

I will seek out any pockets of population which may be outliers to this trend that has befallen the commoners.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 1930

I have located a land of royalty and have nothing but more dire news. It seems not even the most highly regarded of the civilizations have managed to avoid this single gender aging process. If it hasn’t already, I suspect time will force this population to extinction.

CAPTAIN’S LOG Time – 2115

It is as I suspected. Like so many civilizations before it, evolution seems to have set in. A land once clearly ruled by humans now appears to be under the control of the symbols of its alphabet. I wonder whether this particular character, “D,” is the supreme ruler. I will seek further information in the morning, as I have found lodging for the evening. I will be sure to avoid the ball of fire liquid tonight, as I believe it to be the cause of my unstable condition, as well as a great song by Pitbull.

The Fantasy Grout

Now, let’s focus on the topic at hand: finding those low-cost players that hold together the high-priced studs in your lineup. We’ll use DraftKings pricing (after all, they run things now), and select players that fall under the pricing parameters listed below. You’ll see I tweaked the tight end price limits slightly, as the $4,500 price point only eliminated four options. I’ve lowered the price ceiling down to $4,000 or less. These are also the limits for your Grout for a Shout picks in the comment section.

Speaking of that Shout, only one person selected (and stayed with) Spencer Ware last week, and that person selected well. So daddywarbuttocks, I quote my Friday Night LIve cohost, Dean78904, when I say, “Holla?”

If you’re wondering where you stand, the results are posted.

$6,500-or-less – Quarterback
$5,500-or-less – Running Back
$5,000-or-less – Wide Receiver
$4,000-or-less – Tight End

YADA, YADA

Neal Sterling, $3,000 AT SD – Just kidding! I have no clue who this player is nor why he is priced $500 over the minimum. He sounds like a sleazy private eye who doesn’t do well at keeping his work and private life separate. Fade Neal Sterling.

Gary Barnidge, $4,000 VS BAL – I’m not playing him either. He’s here more as a public service announcement. People like the fact that Josh McCown is now taking the snaps for Cleveland. So much so, that they are completely ignoring the fact that Barnidge went full Breakfast Food Hostel last week, and put up a bagel.

What’s more telling than McCown being back, so to speak, is the fact that Hue Jackson is still there. In 2003, as the offensive coordinator of the Redskins, no tight end had more than 55 targets or 27 receptions. His next OC stint was in Atlanta in 2007, where Alge Crumpler averaged 3 receptions and 32 yards a game. Calling plays for Oakland in 2010 (Z. Miller – 4 for 46 on average) and in 2011 (K. Boss – 2 for 26), the tight end production was only slightly more impressive. Then, in the last two years in Cincinnati, his main tight end put up, on average, 4 for 31 (J. Gresham) and 4 for 47 (T. Eifert). You might say “Wait, Tyler Eifert had a great year last year,” to which I reply that scoring on one out of every four receptions is as repeatable as the sequence in Round 15 of Simon.

I just need to see full “Barnkowski” mode before I slot him in.

Kyle Rudolph, $3,100 VS GB – Here’s a play I’m actually considering.

I’ll caveat this upfront by saying Rudolph’s usage in the past has had more ups and downs than the Minnesota fall temperatures. He had weekly target fluctuations of 4-to-9, 10-to-4, and 6-to-2, last year alone.

That said, he’s coming off a week where he was tied for fourth in tight end targets and draws the Packers this week, who allowed both the fifth AND eleventh highest tight end yardage total last week against Jacksonville. Unsurprisingly, neither tight end was Neal Sterling.

Eli Rogers, $4,100 VS CIN – As the slot man in this the potent Steelers pass game, the middle of the field is Mr. Rogers neighborhood. If he’s looking to EAT, he might take a recommendation from Quincy Enunwa, who dined on Bengal slot corners and safeties last week, to the tune of eight targets, seven receptions, 54 yards and a score. Rogers showed a similar appetite last week, going 6-for-59-and-a-score on seven targets.

You know, tiger meat can be quite delicious.

Travis Benjamin, $4,400 VS JAC – We’ve been here before. Keenan Allen goes down, and we’re left trying to figure out what to make of the remaining pieces in the Chargers receiving corp. The wounds left by Stevie Johnson Week last year didn’t heal quickly either. Now what do we do?

Our options this time are Benjamin at $4,400, Tyrell Williams at $3,700 or Dontrelle Inman at $3,600. I guess I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Antonio Gates thinks you should start him every single week as well.

Here are the target and reception totals for the Charger passing attack after Allen went down late in the 2nd quarter.

Travis Benjamin – 6 Targets / 5 Receptions
Danny Woodhead – 4 Targets / 2 Receptions
Tyrell Williams – 4 Targets / 1 Reception
Dontrelle Inman – 3 Targets / 1 Reception
Hunter Henry – 1 Target / 1 Reception
Antonio Gates – 1 Target / 0 Receptions

It’s worth noting that they put up three touchdowns on three drives with Allen in the lineup, and that after he went down, they kicked three punts and three field goals (two through the uprights). If you’re playing Charger receiver bingo, I’d put a chip on Travis Benjamin. That said, if you choose to play bingo, you’ll probably end up sitting with the old women that the streets in Normal, IL are named after, so just know volume might be an issue.

The Receiving Backs, Week 1:

I’m partial to Travaris Cadet now that Spiller split, but all have their merits, full PPR.

Blaine Gabbert, $5,000 AT CAR – Hear me out! Jeez. It’s like you got burnt by a minimum priced quarterback last week, and now you’re trigger shy! Oh you did? Well, that’s not my fault. I told you not to start Dak.

What does Gabbert have that Dak didn’t? Well, for starters REAL rushing potential. You see, unlike Dak, who was just a guy who has scrambled in the past but who was playing in an offense tailored for a fairly immobile quarterback, Gabbert, as Chip Kelly’s signal caller, has the full complement of zone-read and QB draws in his arsenal. With Carlos Hyde not injured yet (and looking agile), the defense is on ice skates. Don’t believe me? Just ask Aaron Donald his feelings on trying to stop the 49ers last week.

In addition to the floor his rushing provides, Gabbert has the tired-but-true fact behind him that San Francisco plays fast, which gives him not just extra opportunities, but extra opportunities against a tired defense. Aaron, did it make you mad how tired you were at the end of the game?

If you have qualms about a matchup against Carolina, just know that of Trevor Siemian’s 9 drives on Thursday, six went 46 yards or ended in a TD. If nothing else, we always have the potential to hit late game “backdoor” value with some scoring in junk time. If Aaron Donald is playing someone in a head-to-head and that person gets two late scores from a player in a game in junk time, this is how he reacts.

TIGHT END

Jesse James, $3,400 VS CIN – Listen, our “delicacies” in the Midwest aren’t as fancy as on the coasts, so “tiger meat” is as good as it gets for us. The middle of the field might be Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood, but the Outlaw Jesse James goes where he pleases. Plus, he’s huge. I imagine Big Ben and him at crowded parties having full conversations over top of the rest of the party goers. On Sunday, the conversation will go something like this.

BEN: “This party is lame.”
JESSE: “Yeah. I expected more from the red zone.”
BEN: “Should we go to the VIP area?”
JESSE: “Yeah. You throw it up in the end zone, and I’ll meet the ball over there.”

Then they both score, like in a football sense.

WIDE RECEIVER

Tajae Sharpe, $4,100 AT DET & Will Fuller V, $4,100 VS KC – Choosing these two isn’t hard. The real challenge might be choosing between them. With how much tighter the running back prices are this week (no starter under $4,000), I might suggest not choosing between them, and instead rolling out the combo. I call them The Study Break Snack, which leaves you Sharpe and Fuller. Then again, I have an obsession with (bad) word play.

Sharpe is more of a cash play. His sub-11 yards per catch (7-for-76 on 11 targets) is exemplary of Tennessee’s shorter passing attack. He probably lacks some of the upside of Fuller, but probably has less downside risk as well.

Fuller, on the other hand, averaged over 20 yards a grab in his final season in South Bend. In his NFL debut, he was even more explosive, going for 5-for-107, and a score, good for over 21 yards per catch. He matched Sharpe, receiving 11 targets as well.

If I had to choose, well, we’ll get back to that.

RUNNING BACK

Danny Woodhead, $5,200 VS JAC – If you’re wondering why he wasn’t included in the list of receiving backs, it’s because he’s the cream of the crop. Speaking of cream, he has all the ingredients to make the perfect Sunday Value Sundae, and U2 can roster him!

The ice cream is the snap count 68%, when compared to Melvin Gordon’s 32% last week. The whip cream is his receiving game usage, in a scoring system that awards a point every time Phil Rivers gives him a “handoff” via the pass. (He’s not a bad play in Chargers’ pass game bingo, as you see above.) His historical red zone usage provides the fudge. I know MGIII converted a couple of short totes last week, but over the last couple years, it’s clear the Chargers trust Woodhead in close. The cherries (that’s right, two cherries) are Gordon’s two scores last week, which should push down Woodhead’s ownership.

That I’ll be in San Diego for the game? That’s just sweet.

T.J. Yeldon, $4,700 AT SD – Yep, both backs in this game. The fact that they are both game flow independent means they can easily succeed in tandem.

I realize the 1.9 yards per carry last week might scare some people off, but know that the Packers run prevention is no joke. Also, if at first the Jags don’t succeed, they’ll try, try Yeldon. Despite throwing the ball on 60% of their plays last week, when their playbook was most open, on 1st downs, they ran it 15 times and passed it only 12 (and one pass targeted Yeldon as well). Yeldon got six targets. Yeldon got 3 touches from the 11-yard line in. Yeldon got 88% of Jags running back snaps.

At this point, the question isn’t “Why?” but “Why not?”

NOTE – The answer to “Why not?” is “ Chris Ivory is active,” at which point I’m off the Loud Dinosaur.

QUARTERBACK

Andy Dalton, $6,400 AT PIT – If we’re being honest, I’m not starting a Grout QB this week. I’m paying up into the Eli to Carson $7,600 to $7,000 range.

Also, if I’m being honest, BeepImAJeep and BoggsLite beat KillaB and I fair-and-square in the semifinals of the pong tournament Saturday night. In the 6-cup semi, they hit five of their first six team shots, and we could only manage three cups in rebuttals. Why “pong,” you ask? Because the cups were filled with water for the first three rounds! One of the key advantages a Wisconsinite has in beer pong is the ability to maintain a high level of performance while maintaining high level of BAC. Without that, we’re just throwing ping pong balls in a cup! Excuses, excuses. I know. Congrats to the eventual champs, Jay & Paul.

Oh, anyway, I think Dalton might be #good, and A.J. Green plays better on the road. If you’re making up a bunch of large-field tournament lineups, take a shot with the Red Rifle.

MY GROUT FOR A SHOUT

Will Fuller V, $4,100 VS KC – The “V” is for Victory! JMToWin, your move.