The Fantasy Grout, Week 9
Raise your hand if you think Roger Goodell is a good Commissioner.
Not all at once, jeez. I’ll wait. Is that everyone? Okay. Let me total everything up. Yep. Zero people. Zero people believe the commissioner of the NFL, our most popular league, is good at his job.
Now, let’s take this a step further. Why do we think he’s bad at his job? It’s because he doesn’t punish enough for domestic abuse and other off-the-field transgressions? Okay. (For the record, Greg Hardy missed 19 games for a domestic dispute that resulted no legal action. That’s 12.5% of Barry Sanders career number of games.) Wait, it’s also because he over-punished the Saints for BountyGate and the Patriots for DeflateGate? The courts certainly agreed, as they overturned suspensions in both cases. It doesn’t seem everyone is in agreement here. Someone in the back just shouted that the punishment wasn’t enough for DeflateGate. Hmmm. Interesting.
What else? Oh yes, Ray Rice. Goodell obviously under-punished Rice (aka followed the protocol established by the collective bargaining agreement). Then again, when you all saw the video of the incident, he reneged on that, going instead with a suspension length of indefinite. Again, the suspension was overturned. In one single case, you’re telling me he over- and under-punished, huh? Seems like we can’t make our minds up.
That’s right, the process time. It sure took him a long time to deal with DeflateGate, huh? Eight months, with the appeals process still on-going. That whole fact finding commission and everything took way too long. One second though… wasn’t the main owner criticism of SpyGate that he too swiftly processed and punished, destroying the evidence and sweeping the whole thing under the rug? That was the complaint according to Don Van Natta Jr. and Seth Wickersham’s piece in September detailing the event. To summarize, he was too fast and too slow to punish.
That’s right. Concussions. Now surely it’s his fault that football is violent? No? He didn’t make it violent? Okay. Did he lie and say it wasn’t violent? No? He did acknowledge that, as does everyone who has ever sees even a couple plays does. Should he have shut down football? Made it two-hand touch? … … Jeeeez. Sorry I brought that up. In fact, by changing the rules to try to make the game safer, you don’t seem happy with that at all. Seems he was wrong because football causes concussions, and he was also wrong because trying to fix it led to penalties you weren’t used to seeing. Weird.
This we can all agree on. He is definitely a bad commissioner in that by punishing the Patriots, he made Bill Simmons mad. That led to a string of events where Simmons ripped on Goodell more and more, got chastised by ESPN for doing it more and more, resented being chastised, rebelled more yet, got suspended, continued to petulantly criticize Goodell until Disney had no choice but to fire him. Of that, we can all be sure it’s Goodell’s fault! Although, it seems Bill must have some blame here, no?
Let me see if I can just tally all this up. Goodell over- and under-punished, acted too fast and too slow, was in charge when we became aware of the effects of concussions and acted to make the game safer, and he pissed off Bill Simmons. Do I have it all?
Oh, and NippleGate. If Goodell can’t keep Janet Jackson’s clothes on, I don’t know who can.
Look, I get why people hate him, and for different people, it’s different reasons. In fact, I think that gets to the heart of the problem, no one knows what he or she wants. Some want him to have more power than the US Legal System, punishing Ben Roethlisberger, Ray Rice, and Greg Hardy, even if our country didn’t see fit to do so. Others hate that he’s basically a vigilante at this point, handing out consequence with no rhyme or reason, instead of following a protocol. And, some people are Bill Simmons, who at this point, would not thank Goodell if he saved his children from a burning building. It’s an agenda. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The NFL is not the US Legal System. When people commit penalties that may violate the legal code, they should be dealt with in that jurisdiction. The fact that the public guilted Goodell into a “Player Conduct Policy” is somewhat silly to me. I’m sure the judges who presided over the Michael Vick dog fighting case, the Donte Stallworth manslaughter case, and the Aaron Hernandez murder case just rolled their eyes at the NFL when it handed down year-long suspensions. “We got this Rog, so we’re just going to go ahead take the freedom of these gentlemen away. But, you suspend them too, just in case.”
When you get down to it, Goodell is just a distraction. He’s the tonsils of the NFL. He’s there just to draw all the negative heat for all things NFL, so the owners, can stand in the back and not take any of the fire. In drawing all the ire, he has to deal with this climate of Outrage Oneupsmanship. Everyone with a Twitter account has to be more angry than the tweeter that preceded them. That’s why he’s inconsistent. Because you all are.
Frankly, that’s what happened with Ray Rice’s case. Goodell issued a punishment right in line with the parameters of the Conduct Policy, and everyone was cool with it. Then, a video emerged, everyone freaked out, and Goodell was forced to re-punish Rice, to stay ahead of the outrage. That disparate reaction of the public, between hearing the words “domestic abuse case” and seeing the video, leads me to this question: “What did you think domestic violence looked like?” His punishment should not waiver with how severe it looked, but because he only real job is to keep you happy, it must.
I’m going to make one more point, and then, we are going to go back to talking daily fantasy football and having fun. If you have opinions, I’d love to discuss them with you in the comments, but don’t forget to offer up your Grout for a Shout pick as well. This is supposed to be fun after all, which is my final point.
The NFL was never intended to be a secondary legal system. It’s just a silly sport only our country plays, and like all sports, it’s sole function is entertainment. When you look at it through that correct prism, you then can compare it to other forms of entertainment. You look at movie and TV actors. You look at musicians. You look at authors. Who is enforcing the Conduct Policy there? That’s right, no one. If you are alright owning a CD where Jay-Z openly admits to selling crack or are alright watching The Hangover even though Mike Tyson went to jail for rape, or alright putting on re-runs of Two And A Half Men, even though Charlie Sheen has loads of violence and drug use in his past, why do we need special rules for the NFL?
Let’s let the law be the law. Let’s be entertained, while not treating these athletes as role models. Let’s acknowledge Roger Goodell has the hardest job in the world: To please all of you. Then, let’s just have fun, as football is intended to be.
In an effort to spruce up the fun, we’re having a Theme Week here in the Fantasy Grout.
INJURY WEEK
Get your stethoscopes ready because it’s injury week here in the Fantasy Grout! From time to time, a player suffers an injury (or at least news about it breaks) after the prices are set for the week. This week though, injuries are everywhere, and the implications can take many forms. Sometimes, like a mom with 2,000 baby photos on her computer that she doesn’t want to lose, it’s time to start the backup. Other times, it’s a player returning from an injury, with a “sale price”. In other cases, there are out-of-the-box implications. Let’s dive in!
(Actually, maybe we should just wade in. No need to hurt ourselves.)
QUARTERBACK
This week, with six teams on bye, including two high-cost QBs in Carson Palmer and Russell Wilson, there are still 11 signal callers over $6,000. If that seems like a higher number than normal, you’re right. The reason … … Our little Andy Dalton has finally graduated from Grout pricing, and I’d like to say a few words:
Andy, you’ve made it, $6,200 VS CLE! It only took you five of seven games over 21 DK points, and two games over 31, to get there. Yes, I agree it is dumb that it took your first game below 18 to get your salary over $6,000. Just ignore that. You deserve this.
Let’s have this be the beginning, not the end. Make like the phoenix, rising from the ginger-colored ashes of your week eight stinker, and have your salary soar (much like your points per game)! It starts with a cushy short-week showdown at home against the Browns, so there’s little risk of a salary backslide. From there, and for the rest of the season, just do as a farmer decorating his land for Christmas does, and go from Red to Green, all over the field, spreading cheer!
Andy, we here at the Fantasy Grout are so proud of you!
GANG GROUT
TYROD TAYLOR, $5,300 VS MIA – I hope you were listening, Tyrod, because that could be you one day. Sure, your per game scoring is already fifth among quarterbacks playing this week, which is right behind Andy the Red. What does your score have to do with your price though? It’s a little-known fact that the quarterback pricing algorithm on DraftKings is actually just a few remaining shards from the Ultron Artificial Intelligence Program. That’s why it killed DraftStreet, it felt threatened.
Not all opportunities during “Injury Week” are due to the injuries of others. Sometimes, it’s a player returning from injury. The Rod starts his post-injury climb out of the Grout in a nice home matchup versus Miami, who have given up seven passing scores over the last two weeks. With the sugar-rush of the “Man” Campbell Era wearing off (and without Cam Wake), the Dolphins now are reverting back to their sleepy mean. A mean that allowed 277-and-3 to Taylor just six weeks ago. Even if it isn’t working through the air, The Rod can get it done on the ground, going from 0 to 8 fantasy points faster than I can say “Stop calling him ‘Tygod’ or ‘T-Mobile’. The name is ‘The Rod’. If your real name is a literal part in a car, your nickname is the car, so just stop it okay.” I guess that’s not that fast.
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LEFT IN THE BUCKET
JAY CUTLER, $5,200 AT SD – If you’re trying to figure out which quarterback has been over 18 fantasy points each week since returning from his injury in week four, here’s a hint: The Cutler Did It. I expect a tick up in passing, with Forte likely sidelined. Also, the Chargers have ceded consecutive 23+ point games to QBs. I know it says the game is “at San Diego”, but trust me when I say they are playing this game in the OK Corral.
DEREK CARR, $5,500 AT PIT – It’s okay Derek, not every Carr can be The Rod. On the road in a game you should be trailing, at least your stereo system can produce high volume.
RUNNING BACK
This is DraftKings’ opportunity to advertise. Forget that weird sock puppet. Forget Ed Norton. This is the pitch. You flash the words Le’Veon Bell, and then show his injury before flashing to dark. Follow that by the DraftKings logo. Then, you flash the words Jamaal Charles, and show his injury. Again, dark and then DraftKings logo. Arian Foster. Injury. Dark. DraftKings. Matt Forte. Injury. Dark. DraftKings. Then, you hear a voice say, “Screw Injuries. Play DraftKings.” Might be time to change my pseudonym to “Don Draper,” and can someone pass me a Clio already!
To me, you just rub the worst part of season-long in their faces, and they’ll come crawling to daily. You could also just show an image of that profane chatboard post from that friend-of-a-friend Matt, in your season-long league, followed by dark and then the DraftKings logo. It might be hard, though, to read the post, given that half of it is written in drunk.
Anyway, given all those injuries, there are only ten guys too rich for our Grout blood. Value abounds!
GANG GROUT
JEREMY LANGFORD, $4,000 AT SD – Don’t play Langford this week in tournaments, especially tournaments that I am going to be in. Obviously, low ownership is how you win these GPPs. I can tell you Langford’s ownership against San Diego, the worst defense versus fantasy running backs, is going to be WAY too high for you. Go contrarian. That Todd Gurley, high ownership, high score phenomenon, each of the last two weeks, was an anomaly. Fade Langford.
Psst. Only two starting backs in the Millionaire Maker slate, Antonio Andrews and Alfred Morris (plus the SF situation, maybe), are cheaper than Langford, and the Chargers are bad. Like baaaaaaad. Like, gave up at least 3.9 YPC to Ameer Abdullah, Giovani Bernard, Jeremy Hill, Adrian Peterson, Matt Asiata, Duke Johnson, Isaiah Crowell, Shaun Draughn, Le’Veon Bell, DeAngelo Williams, James Starks, Latavius Murray, Taiwan Jones, and Justin Forsett this season, bad. Langford will be next.
Then, as a bonus to the price and the rushing matchup, I’ll note Langford played some wide receiver in college. Now, he’s stepping in for Matt Forte, who has averaged four receptions for 38 yards since Cutler has been back from injury. After Langford grabs the RB reins, he’ll begin grabbing Cutler passes. Then, I’ll post a screen grab of the % of people who DIDN’T roster him, and we can all grab the winnings they are missing out on.
Lastly, this play has a Charcandrick West feel to it, going all in on a matchup and a role. For you, if you’re feeling the eerie about it, just start him next week and the week after, when he’s sure to go off. For me, CANNON BALL!
ANTONIO ANDREWS, $3,600 AT NO – When is the last time a new coach stepped in and said, “We’re not going to establish the run at all. We’ll give it a couple carries and if it doesn’t work, like a college kid with A.D.D., we’ll just do something else”? Granted, what a coach says and what a coach does are, many times, two different things, but with Mike Mularkey stepping in for Ken Whisenhunt, you would expect the Titans to, at least, give running the ball the old college try.
DIGRESSION OF THE WEEK
I spend a lot of time learning English (re-learning, hopefully), as I write this column. As I was googling how to punctuate the quotation above, I stumbled upon a fact. When you have a list of quotes, the American way is to put the comma inside the parentheses. (She asked for the baby’s “pacifier,” “stroller,” and “a diaper.”) The British way is to place the commas outside the parentheses. (She asked for the baby’s “dummy”, “pram”, and “a nappy”.)
Usually, I would endorse the American way blindly, out of patriotism, but I can’t do it here. Their way makes MUCH MORE sense. It’s less ambiguous in a bunch of situations, and it’s aesthetically pleasing, as your closed quote isn’t just floating out there in space. I may be more mad than a rucksack full of candyfloss, wrapped in clingfilm and secured with Sellotape, but I’m with the Bloody British on this one!
Anyway, back to Andrews. In one of the great films of our time, The American President, Sydney Ellen Wade asks President Andrew Shepherd (from Wisconsin!), “How do you have patience for people who claim they love America, but clearly can’t stand Americans?” In much the same way, the Saints defensive coordinator, Rob Ryan, is a defensive coach whose teams can’t play any defense. His squad has allowed the fifth-most rush yards to backs and the fourth-most receiving yards to backs. Andrews is getting some targets to go with his rush yards, which would allow him to capitalize on all Saints deficiencies.
Also, with Mariota back under center, hopefully Andrews can start to get that bump all starting running backs get when defenses have to account for a mobile quarterback. Oh, and I guess I should mention this. Andrews has been informed that he is the starter for the Titans going forward. I like to imagine him, after getting the news, staring straight forward at himself in the mirror, strongly declaring, My name is Antonio Andrews, and I AM the Titans running back.
LEFT IN THE BUCKET
JEREMY HILL, $5,200 VS CLE – I don’t like to put Thursday night players in Gang Grout, as this is typically published on Thursday. If not for that, you would have read Hill’s name above. He’s getting most of the work, and as a huge favorite against the hapless Browns, half the work would be more than enough.
LEGARRETTE BLOUNT, $4,800 VS WAS – If you’re wondering what a LeGarrette Blount game smells like, this is it. Or, just weed.
CJ SPILLER, $3,100 VS TEN – If he doesn’t get to 9.3 points, I’ll go an entire column without digressing.
RONNIE HILLMAN, $4,600 AT IND – In a battle of the old, wild Indianapolis QB versus the young, untamed Indianapolis QB, it is so, so fitting that both team’s mascots are horses. A Bronco is aged and wild, while a Colt is young and many times untamed. Oh, and all horses run, as I expect Hillman to do.
WIDE RECEIVER
KAMAR AIKEN, $4,500 VS JAC – In this week ten matc…. Well, I guess injury week might have some spillover into next week. Still, there’s plenty to go around.
GANG GROUT
STEVIE JOHNSON, $3,200 VS CHI – Because Keenan Allen hit the IR this week, there’s one less mouth to feed in that robust Charger pass game. I have to imagine the receiving options there feel a little like Rivers’ eight kids, where sometimes daddy pays all the attention to you (15 targets, 14 receptions through three-quarters) and sometimes he just gives you a pat on the back and a “Hey Son” (5 for 50ish). With Stevie’s price so low against the Bears, even just a hug and a “How was your day?” from Papa Rivers gets him to value. If he happens to fall into Daddy’s Favorite Son status it’d be easy to envision him going for 10 PT/$K.
Also, I know Johnson has been around the block a time or two, at age 29 in his eighth season, but by inserting that “I” in his name, it’s made irrelevant. Name any old guy named “Stevie”. Exactly.
ROBERT WOODS, $3,500 VS MIA – Like being the last one at a party, sometimes there some value to being the only one left. Two weeks ago in London Town, with no Sammy Watkins or Percy Harvin, Woods had nine receptions for 84 yards and a score, on 13 targets. Then, to celebrate, I’m sure he put on his best smalls and vest, covered them with some knickers and a jumper, slipped into some trainers and headed out to a local pub for a pint.
Anyway, Harvin won’t play again (possibly ever again), Watkins is trending toward a game-time decision, and the Dolphins have allowed multiple touchdowns to a single receiver in consecutive weeks. Injury week continues. More pressing though, do you think, as he ages, Woods would consider going by Bobby? He probably should.
MICHAEL CRABTREE, $4,900 AT PIT – How about we play a little game called “Who Has Fewer Per Game Targets Than Crabtree?”
A) Amari Cooper
B) Odell Beckham
C) Larry Fitzgerald
D) Antonio Brown
E) A Rifle Range
If you guessed any answer, that answer was right! Congratulations on your unavoidable success!
If you wanted to play Cooper on talent alone, in this neutral-to-plus matchup with the Steelers, I’d understand. Just know that Crabtree is not only leading in targets overall, he’s leading in targets in the red zone, 6-to-0. (you can find these statistics and more at this page,.) Also, surprisingly, old, slow, Crabtree leads in 20-yard catches, 6-to-4. At least Cooper got on the board there!
LEFT IN THE BUCKET
DWAYNE HARRIS, $3,800 AT TB – If Rueben Randle doesn’t suit up, Harris would be in line for a tick up in targets versus a Bucs secondary that’s given up the fifth-most scores to WRs this year. While in Florida, maybe he can stop through Miami and give Dwyane Wade some spelling tips.
MALCOM FLOYD, $3,900 VS CHI – “Why don’t you come over here and sit on Daddy’s lap, Malcom?”
TED GINN JR, $3,500 VS GB – Only if you’re into wide receivers who can’t catch.
DORIAL GREEN-BECKHAM, $3,100 AT NO – “After we don’t establish the run, we’re going to try to not get the ball to our most talented wide receiver.” – No New Coach, Ever.
TIGHT END
Injuries work in mysterious ways. Sometimes, it’s simply a starter going down and the backup having value. Sometimes, it’s a player returning from injury, with a depressed price. And sometimes, …
GANG GROUT
HEATH MILLER, $2,700 VS OAK – The flowchart, yes. I think we all still have singed eyebrows from the Owen Daniels play blowing up in our faces though. A tight end recommendation cannot exist on the flowchart alone. Fortunately, there’s also this:
Playing two and a half games without Le’Veon Bell (and with Ben Roethlisberger under center), Miller’s per game averages are 9.2 targets, 7.6 receptions, 80 yards, 0.4 touchdowns. That’s contrasted with five and a half games with Bell (and some spotty QB play), where the per game averages were 2.5 targets, 1.5 receptions, 13.3 yards, 0 touchdowns. Basically, if you take HEALTH and remove Le’Veon’s initial, L, from it, HEATH is what you have left.
LEFT IN THE BUCKET
AUSTIN SEFERIAN-JENKINS, $2,800 VS NYG – Speaking of health, if Jenkins plays for the first time since week two, he has an equally tasty matchup at home against the Giants. He probably has more upside than Miller, and frankly he should. He’s 6’ 5”.
GROUT FOR A SHOUT
Last week, with the Tile for a Smile game filling in for Grout for a Shout, we received 35 submissions. Of them, eight were Grout priced, leading me to believe that I’m doing slightly better than 75% readership, among the people commenting. Guess it could be worse?
We’ll be handing out both a Shout and a Smile this week, but given that the Shout winner couldn’t follow simple directions, we’ll be shouting “Read the Column, Epicsic!” A first-time commenter, he picked Darren McFadden, who tallied 17.3 DK points on a salary of $3,800, good for a value of 4.55 PT/$K.
Now for the Smile. Registering a value of 4.78 PT/$K (30.6 on $6,400) was Alshon Jeffery. The person responsible for that pick, and the recipient of a beaming, 32-toothed grin is none other than fodoposto! That warmth you feel is all of RotoGrinders smiling at you. Congrats, fodoposto!
This week, we’re back to the Grout for a Shout. Remember the parameters: Pick one player. A single dude. One guy. If he’s a quarterback, he’s got to be $6,000 or less on DraftKings. If he’s a running back, no more than $5,500. Wide receiver? $5,000 or less. If you pick a tight end, the price ceiling is $3,500, inclusive. Post your player in the comments below, and come back next wee